If there’s anything you learn about when coming to California to “give it a try” in Hollywood, is that it’s rarely as glamorous or carefree as it may appear. Chasing stardom can lead down many paths. And becoming the “personality” that you’re hired to be, can be a challenge. And sometimes life tosses a wring into those plans and career. And it’s not always a small wrench. This is Still Here Hollywood, I’m Steve Kmetko. Join me with today’s guest, Host - Actress - Model, and cancer survivor, Jillian Barberie.
This is Still Here Hollywood, I’m Steve Kmetko. Join me with today’s guest, Host - Actress - Model, and cancer survivor, Jillian Barberie.
If there’s anything you learn about when coming to California to “give it a try” in Hollywood, is that it’s rarely as glamorous or carefree as it may appear.
Chasing stardom can lead down many paths. And becoming the “personality” that you’re hired to be, can be a challenge.
And sometimes life tosses a wring into those plans and career. And it’s not always a small wrench.
Steve Kmetko
Yes, I'm still here Hollywood. And coming up on today's episode.
Jillian Barberie
I was fun in a very, I would say, PG way. I acted very sort of brash and in your face, but I mean, I was offered Playboy four times and I was offended the first time they sent me a letter. I'm like, ***** I’m a journalist. What are you doing? Here's the thing about Hollywood. When you're on top, you don't feel like Hollywood never spit me out or chewed me up and spit me out because when I was doing my thing, I was always me. But then when things aren't as good, it does kind of chew you up and spit you out. But I was treated so great in Hollywood I think because I was, I pushed the envelope a little bit, maybe a bit of a pioneer in the way women dress. Now I see they all dress like me on the news.
Steve Kmetko
If there's any lesson you learn about when coming to California to give it a try in Hollywood. Is that it's rarely as glamorous or carefree as it may appear? Chasing stardom can lead down many paths and becoming the personality that you're hired to be can be a challenge. And sometimes life tosses a wrench into those plans and career. And it's not always as small wrench. This is still here Hollywood. I'm Steve Kmetko. Join me with today's guest host, actress model, and cancer survivor, Jillian Barberie. I remember I was kind of scared of you.
Jillian Barberie
I was scared of you. Are you serious? Oh, we can talk about that.
Steve Kmetko
I thought, if they were casting the movie Grease, you could play Rizzo.
Jillian Barberie
Thank you. Oh, wow.
Steve Kmetko
Because she was kind of tough.
Jillian Barberie
Tough.
Steve Kmetko
Yeah. She spoke her mind. She wasn't afraid to get in people's faces.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. But I think inside I was more of a sandy truly.
Steve Kmetko
Really?
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. Because in real life I was just married the wrong people and got pushed around and ***** over.
Steve Kmetko
I married the wrong people too. I married a woman. Sorry.
Jillian Barberie
Maybe that was my problem. I should,
Steve Kmetko
I didn't know till later.
Jillian Barberie
I should have married a woman.
Steve Kmetko
Jillian Barberie was one of the most recognizable faces in the city, full of recognizable faces, Hollywood banter and clingy clothes. Throughout her career, Jillian appeared on a number of national TV shows as well as doing the football weather forecast for the NFL on Fox. Then came her breast cancer diagnosis. Okay. Jillian?
Jillian Barberie
Yes, Steve.
Steve Kmetko
Give me a rundown of everything you've done.
Jillian Barberie
Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow. Well, I started, for people who don’t know, I started Montreal I'm Canadian. And please don't hold that against me. I am a very happy Canadian, but I always knew I wanted to come to Hollywood. So, I started in weather in Montreal and quickly got a job in Miami doing weather in which hurricane Andrew followed me. They thought, they said to me, oh, don't worry. The big one will never happen. Of course it did. It was a category five, and I knew very little about weather and it was quite obvious. And the Miami Herald had just ripped me apart. And I remember Kelly Mitchell, who was a fabulous anchor woman at the time. She was just a legend in Miami. And she came up to me and she threw the newspaper and it was just absolutely horrifying, ripping me apart.
And she said, congratulations. And I said, what? And she said, you got your first hack job out of the way. She great. I mean, and I thought, oh, what a way to look at it. And I kind of looked at it after that way. And so, when I came to LA I was 25 and just had been in Miami where it was an all women's newscast. So, there are two women anchors, woman sports, woman weather me. And news was, I was the first weather woman, girl, whatever you want to call it. I don't get hung up. I don't get offended easily. I could care less weather person. But that they hired in at Fox at KTTV. And they had been Metromedia. They had been around for a very long time. And I just remember thinking, I just want to have fun. It's not rocket science. It's 72.
Steve Kmetko
Partly cloudy, slight breeze.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. And a little bit of smog. Okay. A lot of smog. And that back to you, Steve. So, they asked me to come on the morning show. I was doing three minutes a day, and they said, let's do three hours a day. And I was like, no, I'm not a morning person. I used to go to bed at 3:00 A.M. in Miami. But eventually they convinced me that it would be more money. And you could get out. We're going to have fabulous actors on the show and chefs and fun. And I got there and it was anything but that it was like a horrible set. It was cheesy. And I thought, oh, well, ***** it. I want to make the best of this. I'm going to have some fun. So, I did.
Steve Kmetko
Yes, you came off that way too.
Jillian Barberie
Did I.
Steve Kmetko
As though you were a good time. As Benny Davis once said, there goes the good time that was had by all.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. I was a good time. I was fun.
Steve Kmetko
Were you?
Jillian Barberie
Yes, I was.
Steve Kmetko
Any regrets about that?
Jillian Barberie
None. None whatsoever. I was fun in a very, I would say PG way. I acted very sort of brash and in your face. But I mean, I was offered Playboy four times and I was offended the first time. They sent me a letter. I'm like, I'm a ***** journalist. What are you doing? The second year that, and it's because I was on the NFL that they were, they kept sending letters. And they started when I was 36, and they ended when I was 40. And I was like, oh, I guess I've hit that wall. But I said no every time. And the money, it was very big at first. And every year it kind of went down. It trickled down because I think Playboy was having issues themselves. I did go to my boss at the NFL and I said, would it be okay to you?
By the fourth year, I was kind of thinking about it, and he said, would it be okay? Like, that's our audience. But at Good Day, LA different attitude entirely. And that was my bread and butter. I was single at the time. I didn't want to lose my job. I had done a lot of things outside of Good Day LA like sitcoms. And I was lucky enough to do dating shows and the NFL and movies, they always said yes to me, or at least I would do it. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for approval. And so, I felt very lucky, and I didn't want to lose that. I'm a little, I've made a lot of decisions out of fear, which will ***** you up later in life. Let's just say that. And I mean that in every respect, not just TV in life.
Steve Kmetko
What else have you done? Let's move along with this resume a little bit.
Jillian Barberie
Okay. Well, it's funny. I was sitting at the bar, of course, and she came over, she's like. Hey, you're the Canadian. I like you. I'm going to write a part for you in my show. And I'm like, what? I, okay. And just naively she's like, Yeah, oh my God, I'm just thinking about. It now. Okay, yeah. Okay. Bye.
And so, she leaves and I get a script and I say to my agent, oh, I guess it's a cattle call. And he calls me back. He's like, no, she wrote a part for you called Foxy Levin. I was like, this Jewish journalist. And I was like, oh, fabulous. So, a lot of my, the things that I got in Hollywood were out of naivete. In other words, I was on Maxim's Hot 100 list. They had a huge party and my publicist was there, and she's like, where the ***** are you? And I'm like, I'm on. And she's like, but you're on the list. And I go, Ugh. You know, I'm like a total homebody. There was a time I went out a lot, but everything I got outside of Good Day LA was given to me. Every movie part, every sitcom, every dating.
I'm a horrible auditioner. I have massive anxiety. I had depression with not just my cancer, but the IRS I don't know if you, they were death and taxes at my door at the same time. So, my life collapsed and I had a nervous breakdown. So that was fun. And all the while raising two kids on my own with breast cancer and no child support life was a ***** bowl of Jerry. And I've always looked at things very positively and my oncologist said, if you have a good attitude, that's half the battle. And I said, well then ***** it. I'm going to win this battle. I got that. But the IRS, that was the big thing. Cancer, I was like, done, yeah, cool, whatever. Do your thing. Doctors pump me full of whatever you got to do and then bring me to the brink of death and pull me back.
I'm good. But it was the IRS, it's that black ***** cloud. And I lost everything. I ended up having to sell my house and I gave them 1.2 million cash still not enough. Gotta do this. When they say they'll settle. They didn't at one time I owed 750,000 I gave, I said, okay, I'll give you 500,000 cash. Take two 50. I had a job. I could still work the radio show. They said no. So, when people say, oh, they'll work with you. So, I've had that kind of adversity. And it's tough. So I went from a big house, beautiful home, lost that of 23 years. It was my dream home. I finally put in the marble kitchen that I'd always wanted. And I had breast cancer and I had to sell it and I never got to use it. And I saw that young couple moving in, and they're in television and they had two little kids, so they were moving into my kids' rooms.
And I was like, that's a circle of life, man. You know, when they talk about Hollywood, chewing you up and spitting you out. I never experienced ***** I was treated so great in Hollywood. I think because yeah, I was, I pushed the envelope a little bit, maybe a bit of a pioneer in the way women dress. Now I see they all dress like me on the news. But Steve blames me for that. But I wanted to look like a woman. I didn't want to wear a jacket anymore, I wanted to look like a woman, how women dress. And I had so much female fan mail from that. So, I went to my bosses cause they're like you're dressing a little sexy. I said, okay, here's my fan mail. They're all women, so not men, which
Steve Kmetko
Is a desirable demographic?
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. They're all, because I tell them, hey, I got this here. This I got at H&M and this I got at Prada. You know how to look, how to get a Vogue look on a Marshall's budget. And so anyway, long story short. Every job was given to me and I did Mad tv. I did a movie for Ryan Philippi. He directed me. So, I would get all of these things because they would see me on TV and think I was funny. Or they'd think, oh, she's ballsy or she's got timing. Let's get her. I didn't even know what the ***** I was doing half the time. I remember my agent going, do you have your sides? And I was like, what are sides. And I just being so ignorant walking into movie sets and they'd say.
And I'd go, oh, you hired me cause of good day late. No, we watched you on Howard Stern. We thought you were great. And I was like, oh, I had so many offers because I was on Howard Stern and I would take them. But the one audition I went to, this is the God's honest truth. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot. One audition. I have to be given a rule or I can't, I don't have the confidence. I have ***** zero self-confidence. And yeah,
Steve Kmetko
You fake it. Good.
Jillian Barberie
Do I?
Steve Kmetko
Self-confidence, yes.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah, I have none. Dorothy can tell you our friend, our mutual friend Dorothy. Even back then I had zero. Like, I must have faked it well. But then I had a narcissist in my life for many years. And what little you have, they just chip it and then it's completely gone.
And you're a shell of your former self and then you're working on that. You're like, what ***** the just happened in my life? So that took me about five years to figure out, and a lot of therapy. But the one audition I went to, I don't remember what it exactly it was for, but my agent sent me out to it. So, most of the jobs just came in, hey, paramount wants you for this, or Sony or Todd Phillips is directing this movie, or Ryan Philippi wants you. And it was great cause they already knew what they were getting. Right. It's like being a rock star. You're paying a ticket to see Motley Crue or Metallica. So, for me, I'm like, okay, they know what they're getting. It's all good. But for me to go out and audition, so I go out, I did two in my life and the first one I walked in and I shit you not, I ***** walk in and there's Carrie Grant's daughter sitting there, and I go, it's Jennifer Grant.
Steve Kmetko
Jennifer, right.
Jillian Barberie
And I go, oh. And I walk out, I'm like, no, just, no, because I'm a cinephile. And Carrie Grant is one of my absolute favorites. And James Bond, I always wanted to be a Bond girl. You know, growing up in Canada, I just thought Sean Connery was the shit. And then Daniel Craig in between, not so much, but Connery and Craig are my men. And so that was that second audition I ever went years later. And it was kind of a handful of women that were plucked by it was Larry David and Jeff and Larry Charles, right. So I go in the room, I go in and it's everyone I've done sitcoms with. So, it's Constance Zimmer. I did a sitcom right over here on Radford called a Good Morning Miami. And then there was so I was with Stance Zimmer Tiffany Thon.
So, I was comfortable, I knew most of the women in the room because we'd all worked together at some point, or they were on Good Day LA or I was friends with them. So, I felt really confident. And then Larry David walked in and I was like, oh God. And I thought this, if there's ever been a show for me to audition for, it's this cause it's ad-libbing. It's what I do. It's going to be ***** amazing. I shit the bad I didn't know. Because he's Larry David and I have such a respect and love for him. It's like a Howard Stern, how much I love him. And I was like, I was all freaked out and I just didn't, because he's him, you have to let him shine. And I didn't know how to play. So, the episode, I ended up watching it, and it was, the girl they picked was brilliant. Like, she just nailed it. And I would never know what, how to do what she did. Because I'm not a trained actress, you know. So, it's just so different for me.
Steve Kmetko
I saw, I watched one of the videos you put up. I do you call them videos anymore? I watched one of them. That you were sitting in your car talking to the camera just to the fans and you said my life is either a show or a sitcom.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah, it is.
Steve Kmetko
Is it?
Jillian Barberie
Yes. You know, I think about the that hit the fan at the time and trying to get sober, because I think when you're ***** up and drunk and you don't care because you're in your own little hell, it makes all that stuff when you're sober so much worse. Because now you got to face it. So, when I was going through all that I was feeling so many things, not even sobriety, that wasn't even one of them. And I told you earlier, I'm friends with Heather Locklear, and Heather was going through rehab down the street, literally walking distance from me. And I was getting chemo at the time, and I was, I looked like Uncle Fester. I mean, I was bald and huge, and I'm still on 10 medications. And so, it's a thing every day. But through our friendship, and we've known each other from the Melrose Play stage.
In fact, I was on Melrose Place. In fact, we have a scene together and somebody sent it to me and I sent it to her and we were just dying over it. But she we were laughing. She drove me here today and we were talking about how I, everything's off limits for me and for her, she's sort of, don't complain, don't explain, you know, the Kate Moss theory she's like me. She gets offered stuff all the time. She's like me. And for me, I'm in fight or flight, and I have been for five years. So, we sort of formed a bond where I've messaged her one day and I go *****. It was after chemo. I said, I'm an alcoholic. And she goes, okay, please don't ask me to be your sponsor. And that's who she is. I mean, she's hilarious. So that's kind of been our, you know, our friendship.
Steve Kmetko
Why did you drink?
Jillian Barberie
Oh wow. Why did I drink?
Steve Kmetko
I know why I did.
Jillian Barberie
Right.
Steve Kmetko
Right. I've been sober nine years now.
Jillian Barberie
Oh, that's awesome. I mean,
Steve Kmetko
I had 10 years once.
Jillian Barberie
I read.
Steve Kmetko
And I moved back to Chicago and that triggered me.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah, I get why I read your story.
Steve Kmetko
Sorry. That's okay.
Jillian Barberie
And Heather read it to me yesterday and I was like, I should be interviewing him.
Steve Kmetko
Oh, no.
Jillian Barberie
Because our stories are very similar in that, I get it. I would be doing the same thing. And because here's the thing about Hollywood, when you're on top, when you don't feel like Hollywood never spit me out or chewed me up and spit me out because when I was doing my thing, I was always me. But then when things aren't as good, it does kind of chew you up and spit you out. Because for 20 years we were on Good Day LA and at the end they just treated Dorothy and I like nothing. And even when they did Steve's 20-year reunion, they cut Dorothy and out eye out of 17 of those years. How do you do that?
And it was like, we didn't exist. It was so hurtful. And but that's not why I drank. I drank privately for so long. I think I've spoken about, you know, my childhood, I was very blessed. I got adopted by a great family. And unfortunately was molested as a kid. And it really molded the way I thought about sexuality and who I was. And I just, it altered my view and I became very tough. I became very unattached from that person, detached and carefree. Carefree in a very dangerous way. I tried every drug out there. I drove cars way too fast. I should be dead how many times over? And that's from my teenage years. And I look at my daughter and she's just 16 and so proper and good. And I'm just woo it's amazing to me.
Steve Kmetko
That's Ruby.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah, that's my ruby. She's more like her father, very disciplined. And I think my son is more of an artist like me, but I don't know, I think the drinking, it comes from a very deep, you do it for fun at first. And I think if you're a personality like mine where you, it's an imposter syndrome. Like I would think, why am I in Hollywood? What the am I doing here? And what, like, how did I get, you know?
Steve Kmetko
But I think just about everybody here thinks that same way you do. What are they going to find out?
Jillian Barberie
Well, you've interviewed everyone from the biggest,
Steve Kmetko
Not a lot of people. Yeah.
Jillian Barberie
Right. The Sophia Lorenzo of the world, the Julia Roberts. Do you think they have imposter syndrome?
Steve Kmetko
Oh yes.
Jillian Barberie
You do. Really?
Steve Kmetko
Maybe not so much as they, after they go along for a while. But I remember Julia, I loved her from the first time I met her. She was just great. But she was a little skittish at first. You know I think everybody is, you can't. Unless you're Donald Trump. Excuse me. Didn't mean to say his name you know.
Jillian Barberie
Well, he's amazingly brash. Because Steve and I used to talk about he would come on the show as he was a great guest. And even Howard Stern says, A great guest doesn't make a great president. Whoa. That's a whole other story.
Steve Kmetko
Right.
Jillian Barberie
But you've seen that side of Hollywood, both sides. And I feel like it's such a fine line. Like when they decide whoever they are, that something like, I read the story, your actually Heather Lock or Read Me Your Story. And People, and I was, and everyone remembers you and Heather Lawler's mom was like, oh my gosh, I remember. And my friends were like, oh my God, Steve Kmetko you were the beginning of that sort of, that real, and you treated it with respect. That job. You weren't just flashy ***** the way it is done now.
Like, we care about butt implants, we care about, it's so stupid. Or like little bites on, TikTok or and I think there's a place for all of that. But I think what happened to you, what happened to me, what happened to Dorothy is a great example of how frivolous and how silly and how mean and dismissive and hurtful it Hollywood can be. But I suppose that's like any job. And it's how you deal with it after. And so, when you have a shit show, like Heather and I will sit and laugh for hours over the that she's been through, and I've been through, I mean, the stuff, she is the funniest woman I've ever met. And the story, the drunk stories that we can share with each other and the stuff that she's helped me get through makes me sort of brave every day a little bit better.
Steve Kmetko
When did the cancer diagnosis come about?
Jillian Barberie
Well, I was there's a girl named Lisa Ashley, who actually introduced Heather and she worked at the NFL. She was a makeup artist. And she decided to start a group, I think she was 40 at the time where we would do mammograms and mimosas. And we did it at the Four Seasons. And they had an imaging,
Steve Kmetko
Eminem.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah, Eminem. And they have an imaging center. And we're like, Ugh, nobody wants to get their tit squished in a machine. And mine were real. And but I was like, oh, I guess I'm 40, I have to start. So, I start at 40 and every year I was clear. And at 52 I was not going to go that year. And I'm always the bartender, of course I am. And I make a wicked French 75, if I may. And because it's Kate Moss's favorite chip, and she's my favorite model.
So, I started drinking those and I was like, oh, ***** it. It's Sunday brunch. I'm going to have one. And then Sunday turned into Monday, and you know how that goes.
Steve Kmetko
Oh yes.
Jillian Barberie
So, it was my turn, I guess. And they kept calling me back down. And I kept saying, I got a call back, there was about 40 girls. It ended up being very, our Eminem day was very small at first. And by the end we had sponsors, Nike, Fox Sports, da da da. And we had big gift bags. And it was fun. And until it wasn't fun. So, I literally went down for the third time and they started doing, they're like, oh, he wants to do an ultrasound. I'm like, oh, I can assure you I'm not pregnant. And they're like, Hmm. And they were very serious and quiet.
And that's when I knew. I'm like, ah, such. And then they put me in a room and the phone rings and there's nobody in there. And I'm like, hello, am I supposed to pick out what the? And he's like, yes, this is your radiologist. You need to go to get a biopsy tomorrow. Do not wait till Monday. Go tomorrow. And I go okay. What the ***** is a biopsy? So, then I go back upstairs and my phone rings. It's my general practitioner and I go, what's up? And he said, how are you? Very serious. And I go, fine, how are you? And he goes, wow, you sound good. I go, well, why wouldn't I? He said, because you have cancer. I go, what the *****? And he, I go, how do you know? He goes, because they just called me.
You have textbook cancer. And I go, oh, for, I go for real? He goes, yeah. And I go, for real, real. He goes, yes. So, I go back up and I said, I got to go. And I called the radio station and I said, I have to figure out a way how to tell my kids. So, the good news is, I had just gone through it with Deborah Tate, who's Sharon Tate's sister, who's a very good friend of mine. And we go to all the Manson, hearings and try to keep them behind bars for 25 years. And that's a whole other story. The Quentin Tarantino. And we, I was very involved in that in the movie. And, which was incredible because we got to see Deborah on the big screen and we were sitting with Brad Pitt and Leo and I grabbed Deb's hand and I said, there's Sharon.
Like he got the rights to Matt Helm's movie and Torino to Tarantino put it in there. But I told the kids that was my biggest fear telling the kids. But I said, remember what Auntie Deb went through? Yeah. I said, I have the same thing. And they were like, okay. Because she didn't lose her hair. But I ended up finding out, yeah, mine was lymph node. Mine was a little more serious. I had to get double mastectomy in the whole thing. It was fine. It really, chemo didn't affect me. I worked every single day through it in radio. Looked after two kids. No, it was fine. And when people ask, I'm like, it was a breeze. Not a problem. Yeah, it's a lot better. It's my cancer killer. And you have to really go in there going, chemo is your friend. It's there to help you. And that was my attitude. Thank you. Like, bring it on. Let's go. Chop, chop.
Steve Kmetko
You also said in the video that I watched that you hadn't dated in 10 years.
Jillian Barberie
10 years. Yeah. Never. I have not had, I've not dated, had sex.
Steve Kmetko
Do you miss it?
Jillian Barberie
No. Ugh. Never again. Never again.
Steve Kmetko
Ever.
Jillian Barberie
Never again. I can solidly say that and mean it. Never again will I ever trust a man, love a man, open my heart to a man, give money to a man. I'm done, done, done. They're mentally, they just, nah, I'm not going to waste my time. I've been there, done that. I, I don't know how to not, if I go in, I go all in. You get everything. Right. I open my wallet, my home, my heart, my life, my love, my brain, everything is yours. But if you take advantage of that and all of it, especially the brain part then I'm done. Make me feel I'm crazy, gaslight, whatever. I'm done. It takes a long time to figure it out. Because I'm not that person. I don't even, you don't know what's happening while it's happening. So, my girlfriends always tell me, yeah, there's some good men out there. I go, awesome. Yay. Not for me. I don't care. I have no interest.
Steve Kmetko
How do you feel about getting older?
Jillian Barberie
I don't care.
Steve Kmetko
You don't care. I hate it.
Jillian Barberie
Do you?
Steve Kmetko
Yes.
Jillian Barberie
Why? You look ***** great. You're lucky. You're a man. You're allowed to get older. You're allowed to get silver. You look the same, but you're silver. You're allowed, I don't know the women they took.
Steve Kmetko
I don't like the aches and pains. I got a love of those. I like the stroke I had a year and a half ago.
Jillian Barberie
Oh my God. I read. Yeah. I'm so sorry.
Steve Kmetko
I don't, I like you. I came out here for this weekend and I forgot all my medication at home. So,
Jillian Barberie
Are you okay?
Steve Kmetko
Yeah, I'm okay right now. I hope I will be by the time I get home.
Jillian Barberie
Is it your stroke medication?
Steve Kmetko
Yeah. Little bit of everything.
Jillian Barberie
I get it.
Steve Kmetko
And in the morning, I take 10 different pills.
Jillian Barberie
Same. I'm on antidepressants though. And when you stop those, I remember my pharmacy forgot me on a Friday and I was like, no big ***** deal. My son's coming down to visit, it's fine. And I'd rather be with him. So, I'm hanging out with him and his friends. I'm driving them to the movies. They're 13 years old. Take them to the beach, dah. Now it's Saturday. I call, oh yeah, it's a service. Fine. I can wait till Sunday. Maybe I'll get. Sunday, I start to get the brain zaps and brain zaps are like, like you're talking to somebody. And I don't know how else to explain it. Then I started to get the shakes and I had taken the boys to a movie and I was parked beside a Ventura County police officer. And I looked over and I had just moved into an apartment.
Because I lost a second house. And I go, do I ***** live in Ventura County? And I started to get all shaky and paranoid. I opened up the door, I vomited, I guess I was going through withdrawals. So, I never went through that when I stopped drinking. So, when we think about what's legal and what's not, you know, I'm on Wellbutrin and Effexor and when I went off that, I didn't even go off it when they forgot me, I had to get an emergency prescription my body. So, it’s so important, right. Like your meds are, I'll never, like it's zap, zap one, the EK. What's that one where they, it's electric. She's like, oh, it's not like it used to be. All I picture was like a rubber thing I'm biting down on and they're like, zapping me. She said, no, it's not like that anymore.
Steve Kmetko
Like getting a lobotomy.
Jillian Barberie
Like getting a lobotomy. Yeah. It's scary. But there's another one they have called ketamine. And I was like, should I try that? I don't know. So, I'm kind of, it's scary, but I get, I have what they call long-term effects of chemo. So, I have to take a lot of gabapentin. My bones hurt a lot and I can't wear high heels and I can't, which is hard because, that was sort of who I was like that the hair, the boobs the heels and what breast cancer does and you learn quickly. Like I don't have vanity. That's the one thing about me. People think, oh, you wear this sex pivot, whatever I said chop my off. Oh, do you want to wear the cold cap? What's that? Well, your hair won't fall out. Sure.
Okay. You have to come in four hours early. Why? Because we have to freeze your follicles so your hair doesn't fall out. Then you'll do four hours of chemo. I ***** that. I'll have four hours with my kids. Thank you very much. And I'll be bald and wear a wig. I don't care, Steve. So, when people say, oh, oh my gosh, it's like life changing. No, for me it's not. I don't sit and weigh myself. I haven't weighed myself in 40 years. I know when I was a twig, now I know when you're a pig, like it's just like, you get it, you know?
Steve Kmetko
Well, didn't you do commercials for,
Jillian Barberie
Nutrisystem?
Steve Kmetko
Yeah.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. And that was great. I was 43, 44 in a bikini. And I had from flaps to abs. But, and you can't doc.
Steve Kmetko
You was sensational.
Jillian Barberie
Thank you. You can't doctor those either, because that's like the legally you can't make a claim.
Steve Kmetko
Truth in advertising.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. So, people would say, oh, they airbrushed you. And I'm like, ow. Well, I wish they did. No, I got a spray tan. But they can't legally do that because it's a claim. It's a weight loss claim. So, they can't doctor the photos. Sure. I look at that and that was after two kids. And I'm proud. But do I aspire to constantly be, no. My life has been my kids for 10 years and I am amazed that I got out of it that I'm getting out of it without drinking. Like I did. Like I drank to the point of flat out on my face. And that's okay. But I was a, you know why I was a functional alcoholic? Not really. I'm lying. That's a lie. That's not true. I went to the radio station drunk. I was functioning around the kids because they drank a lot at home. I didn't drink in public a lot because I didn't like going out. You know, we isolate.
Steve Kmetko
Oh.
Jillian Barberie
Right.
Steve Kmetko
Who needs a glass? That was me.
Jillian Barberie
Who needs a glass? Exactly.
Steve Kmetko
Yeah. Straight from the bottle.
Jillian Barberie
A hundred percent.
Steve Kmetko
Yeah.
Jillian Barberie
Yep. I've never done it straight from the bottle, but it doesn't ***** matter. Like I always tell the kids there's no difference. You can't heroin. What? I've never done any hard, I never did heroin or but certainly I tried Coke at 38. Like I lived in Miami. I was 24. Hello. It was all around me. But I was a very naive girl from Canada. I tried it at 38 and I loved it. And I was skinny and I could do everything. And then by 40 I think I got married at 39 and I got pregnant at 40 and I was like, bye. And that was the last time I ever touched it. So wine, that's my thing. I could give or take any drug. If you put Percocet or Gabapentin beside each other, I would grab the Gabapentin because my bones hurt. So, my nerves are so ***** up that a Percocet, a Vicodin, they do nothing but the nerve blocker, which doesn't get you high and it's not addictive is the best thing for me. You know, it really is helpful.
Steve Kmetko
We'll be back in a moment.
Jillian Barberie
But as you get older and you have these women around you the same age, it's so there's nothing like women in their fifties that are smart, that have been there, that are divorced, that have been through it, that lift you. And I can tell you, I have a community of women.
Steve Kmetko
Your life also consists of painting. You do.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah.
Steve Kmetko
You're a painter now.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah, I always was. I started at about 15 and I just go, I would go in and out of it. I painted in Miami a little bit Montreal, mostly Miami. And then when I came to LA, I painted a lot. And then number one liked it. Number two, not so much. All my paintings ended up in the closet. And then Jeff Lewis came to redo the house. And when I, for a show and when I came home after four days of not seeing the house and you walk into this home that Jeff has redone, I saw my paintings and I bawled because I hadn't seen them in years.
Steve Kmetko
And you do, I see you online. Online all the time. Is it, ask Jillian, you do all kinds of makeup tips and where to buy.
Jillian Barberie
I do. Yeah. Like the,
Steve Kmetko
Cheaper than,
Jillian Barberie
You know, what's great about getting older? And I will say this, that when I was younger and maybe 30, because I was very, until I was 47, I would say the wheels fell off the bus at 50. And I mean, drinking and getting bloated and then getting cancer. But until I was like 48, 49, I was still on TV at K-T-L-A-I was at, I was 48, 49, I was super tiny in great shape. I looked, I didn't look at my age, whatever. I still had guys 30 asking me out. And but I was always aspirational for women. I like to think because I shared. But as you get older and you have these women around you the same age, it's so there's nothing like women in their fifties that are smart, that have been there, that are divorced, that have been through it, that lift you.
And I can tell you, I have a community of women. I have been through it. Dorothy has been a huge help. Lisa Breckenridge, Lisa Guerrero, there's been a huge amount of support from women in television that have gotten me through my surgeries. And I had a 10-hour surgery recently that Dorothy helped me with. And it was a seven-week recovery till you could drive. And it was a big one. But it was wonderful. And then I have a community on, people will think I'm insane, Steve. But I have a community on Instagram. And I talk about them like they're my, and people are like, oh, so where does Aubrey live? I'm like, I don't know. They're like, but you talk about her like she's your best friend. These women help me. I've never met any of them. There's a group of eight of them.
They range from accountants to social workers to, they're incredible. And they're like, okay, where's your life at? I go in the toilet. Well, what do you need? I'm like, well, I haven't done taxes. Because they didn't, I don't know how to, and I had to fire my money guy and this is shit that. And I don't know where to start. And so, they were like, okay, we're going to take over and do, this. And they're slowly sorting things out for me because I've been frozen in fear. I don't know if you've ever felt that.
Steve Kmetko
Oh yeah.
Jillian Barberie
Yeah. Like there's this impending doom hanging over you and you're trying to act like everything's okay or you're out. You, you avoid friends because it's going to cost this. Or you're going to like, you're no longer that person. Like I used to be able to pay for everybody and everything. And then you know you're like, oh, I don't want to go. Yeah, I can't meet you guys. Or I have something else. I can't make it. It's weird, right. Yeah. And so,
Steve Kmetko
Sometimes getting out of bed was hard for me. You have children at least that. You know, you have to kind of do it for that. I have two dogs.
Jillian Barberie
Well, I do know that feeling though and trying to fake it. Like, I remember one of them saying, mommy, why are you sad? And I was like, what? Because I thought I had faked it so well, and they were so young they didn't understand. And they're like, well, you smile but you're sad. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like you cannot fake that with kids. I tried. And I was like, I'm not sad. Their dad remarried and had a baby. And that I liked because at least it gave them some normalcy when they would go up to visit him. That they would have Thanksgiving. And that was the thing. I was like, go, cause my families in Canada. I always gave him Christmases and whatever because I wanted them to feel that sense of family. I don't have it.
I mean, I did, I was lucky enough to meet my birth family. And they've got quite a story, but I never knew my nationality. And so, I would always have people say, oh, you're this, you're that. I always knew I was European. I always knew it. And so yeah, I'm Lithuanian my father's full Lithuanian born and raised in London and my mother's born and raised in Ireland. But the crazy story is that my cousin has a son with Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones. And so, then he Donovan adopted that boy. So, she's been married to Donovan for 52 years or something. So, we had this big family reunion and I said to Donovan, you've been on Good Day LA so many times I've interviewed him and she was in the green room, my cousin. How insane is that? They live in Ireland. She's from England, I'm from Canada, she's my birth cousin. We're all in Hollywood. What the, how is this? It's mind blowing, you know. So, one day I do want to go to England. They're all painters’ artists and rock stars and singers, and I feel like that's my place. I've always felt that way. I've had a sort of tug towards England ever since I was a child.
Steve Kmetko
Where can people find you if they want to look you up?
Jillian Barberie
Well, probably all the Pornhub sites Steve. No, that would be just ask Jillian.
Steve Kmetko
I've never seen you on there.
Jillian Barberie
No, no, I would, I'm not on any of that. But I really regret not doing Playboy because now I don't have all that. It's like when you're known for boobs or hair and cancer says, ***** you. We're taking both of those away. Oh, and you're going to get fat. Yay. You have to have a, you have to have a good attitude. And I do, but I really do wish I did Playboy because I would have some, like, oh yeah, they were pretty or whatever. And my kids are like, no, mom, we're glad you didn't. So, it is what it is. But I'm at ask Jillian and I love meeting new people and I'm pretty. I'm a pretty open book, but I have to say, I'm really honored to be here because reading your story, I am the whole way here. I kept saying to Heather Locklear. Why is he interviewing me? Like, I, I feel like everybody should be interviewing you people magazine. Like, what? And then I said, stay in the car. Because if they see you, bigger name lying too they're going to want Heather Locklear. And the first thing your producer said is, we want Heather. And I said, Heather will never do it. Heather doesn't do anything. She doesn't, but she loves you and she knows exactly who you are. And she said she loves a story like that. Like she's, so, she just sends you her best.
Steve Kmetko
Thanks.
Jillian Barberie
And as I, as I do, I think you're incredible and you're, you're like a legend here like Steve Edwards.
Steve Kmetko
I was so intimidated by you. You came to E once when we were looking for a co-host. We were going through missing co-hosts.
Jillian Barberie
Oh my gosh.
Steve Kmetko
They were looking for someone new to do E News Daily with me. And they brought you in for an audition.
Jillian Barberie
See, an audition. See, I probably should have bet on that too. Because I'm not good at auditioning. Right. And who did they hire? Was it Jules?
Steve Kmetko
I can't remember who they hired at that time. Jules was on staff, so they wouldn't have had to bring her in.
Jillian Barberie
She was lovely. And I don't, I met some people at E but I was always intimidated by you. And I'll tell you why. I always felt that you were, I would be the bad kid in the class, and you would be the teacher. And that I'd be scared of and that you were so in control and so calm and methodical and so well read. And so, you just knew everything. You were smart and serious. And I would be like, I'm going to get in trouble with him. And I was, Dorothy always told me how nice you were and so did Steve. But I was intimidated by you. But mine is all a, it's an act. I'm like an idiot on the inside. Very insecure. I've become more dumb because of the gabapentin.
Steve Kmetko
But one of the things you do that's very hard to do in front of a camera is be yourself.
Jillian Barberie
I can't be anybody else sadly. I wish I could, I wish I could at times.
Steve Kmetko
Judy Garland used to say, be yourself. Everybody else is taken.
Jillian Barberie
I love her. There's a picture of me, and you'll appreciate this. It was at one of my birthday parties. I'm at my neighbor's. My hair was growing back in, and when your hair grows in from chemo, and this is all my hair now, thank goodness, but it grows back as black as my shirt and really curly. Now I'm bloated. I'm wasted. I'm passed out. Okay. I'm at the table, completely passed out. And there's some video and somebody's video, and all my friends are there, all dressed up, skinny ***** drinking with their martinis, summer smoking. And it's just this beautiful night overlooking all the lights of Hollywood. And then they pan in on Judy Garland. I said, what the ***** is Judy Garland doing at my birthday? It was me. And I've got my feet up on their barefoot on the table, and I'm like, and I got the short black curly hair. And it was Judy in her latter days. And I was like, wow, that chicks got a drinking problem. It was all out there to see. Do you know what I mean? You can just tell. And whoa. It didn't stop me though. I was full on Judy for another few years. Sometimes it takes what it takes, right?
Steve Kmetko
Yes. It takes what it takes. We got to land this plane. Why, what do you want to leave people with?
Jillian Barberie
Well, a thought of this stay in the moment because, when you, I know this sounds really stupid and profound, but if you think too much about, you have that anxiety, if you think about tomorrow, and then you think about yesterday, you get depressed. So, I try to stay right here right now and not freak out. And that's a lot of what my channel is about makeup tips and all that stuff. And, but a lot of it they tell me is when I'm just talking and shooting a like this, like that's what they like and they want to hear. I know the men liked other things, but that was another Jillian, I don't like to say she's dead, but I'm a different Jillian now. You know, I've always been this girl. I don't know how to be anybody else, but I'm much more gentle than people think. I always was.
Steve Kmetko
When you were at the peak of your powers? Whatever that means.
Jillian Barberie
I wish I knew I had any powers.
Steve Kmetko
Oh, well, when you were an example of physical beauty and popularity and power, were you hit on?
Jillian Barberie
Oh, there were certainly. Yeah. I mean, I went out with a couple of football players that was interesting. And they were huge names, and I don't follow football, so they were so insulted when I had no ***** clue who they were. I don't care. One of them was like, wait a minute, you don't know that I did this and that. I said, I do the weather on the NFL. I don't sit and follow you. I could care less. But yes, I was hit on by a few actors and producers, and I said no to all of them. They scared me. I felt they were out of my league. I didn't think that I always felt so low of myself that, and I'm glad that I didn't now because I know one of the producers turned out to be a total buzz ball guy.
The actors were at the peak of their career. And I remember thinking, why would he want to go out with me? Like he could have Jessica Alba, he could have, thinking of the women that he'd starred with, why me? And then I was on that dating app for a while, Raya, Raya, whatever it is. And you would see people on there, many famous men, and they would hook up or they'd say yes, and they'd start talking to you, and then I would just ghost them. I just couldn't respond because I have no game. My girlfriend's like, you're Chili and Barbie. I'm like, no, I'm not. I don't, that's a persona. Like, yes, I'm real, and it's part of me, but I'm very insecure and I don't feel confident enough to go out with a big-name person.
I did, I'll tell you who, there were rock stars that actually hit on me and it felt more organic. And so, we did end up going out and having fun and dating and having all, if it's organic, yes, if I feel like it's, they're really into me. But when it was kind of like this sort of hitting on, like you felt like you were one of many girls that they would hit on, or just, I don't know. Yeah, I probably went out with more rappers and ballers and rock stars than I did actors or producers. I don't remember any real big actors. Although there's one regret. I love Colin Farrell. And it was just when I found out that I was Irish and we were, obviously he is. And he was doing a film I think it, I don't know what it was, but he was on satellite.
And you know what that's like, so they don't know exactly who is, oh, it's KTTV, it's KTLA, it's whatever. And then we heard him and he's like, oh, is this the one with Jillian? And I was like, well, yes it is. And he said, Jillian, is it you? And I said, yeah, hi. And he's like, yeah, Irish, Irish. And I said, yeah, actually, my moms from County Cork. I just found her. You know, that is the one woo. That's when I read Britney Spears book. I'm like, nice two weeks with that. Absolutely fabulous girl. So happy for her. I love Brittany. But yeah, I've had more interactions with people like Britney Spears and than I have with men. Like, it's just so strange. But I have been asked out by guys, big time director. There was a huge director.
Ugh, I just wasn't attracted. And also, the parties, you go to a few parties and they all seem, they're all the same after a while, right. Like, have I just, not my scene either, not my scene, but for a while you're invited to everything for a while. So, you sort of dig in and have fun with it. Because at the time I really wasn't thinking, oh, this is going to end one day. I really didn't. I was so naive. I didn't even think Good Day LA would end one day. But I knew I could see the, when they didn't renew Dorothy, and then they took down all my Howard Stern and Dave Chappelle posters. I was like, Ooh, the end is near what? Smell it in the air. And it was, and they started rotating girls filling in for Dorothy and me. But the ones filling in for Dorothy we're also filling in for me, possibly take my job.
That's the way it goes. Like I said, I think it's like any other job. It is just a job. I think it was when Simon Cowell left whatever show AGT and they replaced him with Howard Stern, like, it made me feel like everyone is replaceable. You know, when people would say to me, oh, there all these changes, but they never let you go because, and I would say, I'm not that stupid. Of course they will. I always knew in the back of my mind, of course they will no matter what difference I brought to that show.
Steve Kmetko
But it still hurts when it happens.
Jillian Barberie
It still hurts when it happens. And in fact, Dorothy and I brought us really a lot closer together, especially when the things went down with Steve. She called me that morning and she said, has this ever happened to you? I said, absolutely not. And it brought us, I really stood up for Steve. It still hurts though. And I said to her, did, did you ever cry when we had a national show, they would let us do the fir. So, we were national for three years. It was called Good Day Live, and then they took us off that show. So, then we became the warmup for Debbie and Arthur Neville. So, we would have to leave the set at 9:00 A.M. I'd have to pack up at, it's like, what the *****? Like, we help, we decorated this party. Now we've been kicked out.
Like, ***** you. So, we'd go to our car 500 years ago, like she makes fun of everything. But it's so the age thing is so interesting because think of her Melrose Place and she hosted the VH one award. She's this beautiful icon. And like I said to her in her garage, there's like this poster she had, the first one she did with Got Milk. And I was like, like, look at you. You're such a baby. She was like, 17. And I go, don't you just look at that and go, yeah, that's me. You know or see beautiful Claral commercials, like, yeah, that's me. She goes, no, I don't. She goes, that's what I want to be again. Well, I don't have that. Like, I'll be like, yeah, that's me. I accomplished that. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. It's cool. It's kind of like there. Thank you, Steve Kmetko.
Steve Kmetko
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